This is a run-down of all the handsome hunks your mom’s been dating ever since your dad married Cheryl. Cheryl’s sweet, but does she own her own boat? Or trampoline? Ooh, Momma’s been dating! And it’s interactive! You can rate all the hotties your mommy’s been out with, like the bad boy biker who’s obsessed with Ernest movies and Oxnard’s #1 homeless mall Santa.

About the Authors: Hana Michels is a comedian who has written for McSweeneys, Paste Magazine, and Funny or Die, among others. Alex Firer either writes or has written for The Onion, The Onion News Network, Splitsider, and Cafe.com.