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The Devastator

Funny Books For Humans

March’s Subscriber of the Month: Crystal House

We want to take a moment to recognize the most important people in the world of Devastator: our brilliant, abnormally intelligent subscribers! If a comedy magazine is printed in the woods, but it's never sent to folks via the mail, is it... y'know, a thing? Crystal is a TV editor, a mega-Trekkie, and March's Subscriber of the Month! May she live long and prosper...

Congrats, subscriber Crystal House! Let's take a Fantastic Voyage into your mind! Tell us about your career, interests, and if you have one, your cat!

OK! I am a reality television editor and I do not include that among my interests. I am currently studying for my doctorate in Paranormal Studies. I have a wide variety of hobbies, most of them can be done inside with my cat. My cat's name is Rusty Shackleford and he is a flat faced Persian. Rusty's favorite actor is Bruce Willis. Rusty's favorite band is Led Zeppelin. We have different tastes in music, so we usually just listen to NPR when we are in the car. When I do leave the house, it is usually to attend a Star Trek function or to do some heavy drinking, or both.

Who is your favorite character in Star Trek: The Next Generation, and would he/she get along with your cat?

rusty-cat-bedCommander William T. Riker is my most favorite Star Trek: TNG character. I wish he was my Imazdi, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Riker is from Alaska, which means in the future, Alaska is probably less terrible.

Unfortunately, Riker has not had the best track record with cats. Data had a cat named Spot, who did not get along with Riker at all. I think Spot might be a little more aggressive than Rusty and I don't think it was Riker's fault. I should mention that Data wrote a very excellent poem called Ode to Spot, which I often recite to Rusty.

How has The Devastator ruined you for other magazines?

Since I started receiving The Devastator, other magazines just seem so floppy and lifeless.  I can't even tell the difference between other magazines and supermarket advertising pamphlets anymore. Everything goes into my junk pile except The Devastator.  No other magazine really understands my love for cats, pop culture and general nerdery.

What's your all time forever-favorite Devastator article or comic?

I think my favorite Devastator comic is "How it Feels to be a 30-Year-Old Geek" by Zach Weiner (from The Devastator #5: Fantasy).  He really captures the essence of something I have been complaining about for years. It reflects how I think a lot of Devastator readers feel and also makes me giggle. It reminds me of an X-Files website I used to love. There was a section where you could change the pattern on Mulder's tie, but it would take almost a half an hour to load each tie. It was totally worth it. Kids today will never understand.

This is your megaphone to your fellow Devastator subscribers out there. What would you like to say to everybody and/or their cats?

To The Devastator readers and their cats, I would like to leave you with a modified version of Data's Ode to Spot...

Though you are not sentient, Devastator, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

Also, cats out there, stop being so cranky when your parents are trying to clean your butt for you. We're just trying to help.

Want to become Subscriber of the Month? Leave a comment below and tell us why!

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